Wibely Wobbly, Timey Whimey Stuff

Wow. I haven't blogged in awhile. So here goes....

New Blog Layout, which means I have developed another obsession. This time it is Doctor Who. Props to my Grand Big Michelle Daymon and one of my Best Friends Eric Schlabach for introducing me to it. You should watch it too if you haven't. Especially if you like geeking out over dorky men like David Tennant as well as others, science, epicness, being made fun of for being a geek, time travel, pin striped suits, trench coats, amazing hair, and so on and so forth. Basically, it is cool and awesome, and you should watch it.

So this shows how much of a geek I have become....the colors in my blog reflect David Tennant's outfits on Doctor Who. The light blue is the pin stripe, brown for the trench coat, burgundy for his shoes, and dark blue for his other suit. Yeah....

So enough about Doctor Who (for now....even though it is amazing) and onto my life.

Actually, I am mostly going to incorporate Doctor Who in this part too because I am going to talk about Chameleon Circuit's songs. Chameleon Circuit is a band the plays songs about Doctor Who. Isn't that magnificent? It's called Time Lord Rock. I love how it has its own genre. Win.

So about the songs....I have some favorites, they are An Awful lot of Running to Do, Nightmares, Blink, and Teenage Rebel. Though these songs are about Doctor Who, I can find places in my life that relate to them.

I feel like An Awful lot of Running to Do is pretty obvious, but I will still talk about it.

"It's completely terrifying but it's so so exciting
He said I was brilliant and I could change the world
So many places I've been; there's so much more to see
We've got galaxies and planets and moons
And an awful lot of running to do"

It depends on why you are running, but either way it is probably either terrifying, or exciting. It can also be both. We all feel like we are running from something, or with something. Personally, I am running from something, and have been for years. It's nothing dangerous in the sense, but it does affect me. It's the kind of thing that you know needs to happen, or you desperately want it to, but it doesn't seem like it will ever happen. Sometimes you get those little bits of false hope, and you think at that moment that everything is going to change, and that everything you want is running towards you, but then it passes you and you're left running away from what you thought was running to you.

So don't blink
I said, don't blink
Just look directly at them
And they'll stay where they are
I think they're crying anyway
They can't mean no harm
my eyes are watering
I'm right on the brink
I'm sure nothing would happen
If I were to-"

Don't Blink. Blink and you're dead. Well not really. This song is referring to a few episodes where there is a circumstance that requires them not to blink because of something that can move so fast while you aren't looking at them. However, in this case, "Blink and you are dead" should instead say "Blink and you''ll miss it". Hold onto what you value most, because time is always moving. If you go through it too fast then you aren't able to enjoy it and it just slips right past you. My point is that you shouldn't let life pass you by too fast. One moment you are having the time of your life, and then before you know it, it's gone. In the blink of an eye.

"Hey old man
Rest your head
You're breaking down inside
Armour's cracked, set to collapse
Damn you, don't you cry
I've ended lives
And ended worlds
I guess I've done it all
Fire and ice
And rage inside
How long until I fall?

Somewhere all my darkest fears
Are gathering
It's not enough to
Save the day
I can't escape my nightmares

Dreams have shown me
Who I am
A danger to myself

Trickster feared
Far from revered,
So I must fear as well
Words and laughter's
Wearing thin,
Breaking this disguise
Where do (the) Angels
Fear to tread?
How can I think to hide?"

This one has been in my head alot. I'm not normally the type of person who is drawn to the darker songs, but this one always strikes a chord with me. Specifically the part that says

"Somewhere all my darkest fears are gathering. It's not enough to save the day. I can't escape my nightmares". Nightmares. We are all haunted by them. Whether we allow them to affect us or not is the real thing we need to worry about. It's that feeling when everything you don't want to happen, happens. Instantaneously. It makes you feel like your world is falling apart and there isn't anything you can do about it. But then you have to remember the good things you have. The friends that truly matter in your life because you know they care about you, the good times you had with old friends, your family, and yourself and all the wonderful things you have accomplished. If you take some time to appreciate the little things in life, soon they will out number the bad ones.

"I've got so many different faces, So many different personalities, My taste and gygat cravings, Are some things you can't take away from me You can't stop me dreaming. I used to be old, But now I feel young, Cause I was a boy when I learned how to run, I could never be settled in one time or place, I won't ever stop, Cause I know what's right, Get in my way, I will burst into light I'll keep dying and living and changing my ways, But I was a teenage rebel, and that stayed the same. It might feel like you're defeated, But I know that we all long to be set free, So overcome your monsters, Rise up, there is just one thing you need. Something to believe in."

This one is similar to "Nightmares", but it is the solution to those worries. People can't stop you from dreaming, because those are your dreams. No matter how unrealistic they may seem, or how silly other people may think they are, they are yours and nothing can take them away from you. Be a rebel of reality, and dream.

And in conclusion, here is my favorite picture of David Tennant ever. We all need to see the humorous side of life and have fun with it like him. I mean come on, look at him. He's sitting in a wardrobe drinking tea. <3

Insert Post Title Here.

David Tennant. That is all.

"It's Not Aways Black and White, but Your Heart Always Knows What's Right"

You are black, I am white.

You are the darkness, I am the light.

 You fall down, but I pick you up.

If you had wound, I'd patch it up.

You are fire, I am water.

If you were a father, I'd be the mother.

If you go one way, I wont go the other.

The two of us are close, two birds of a feather.

When times get tough, I'll hold your hand.

I've been there with you, I understand.

If you were a pokemon, I'd choose you.

And I would already know, You'd pick me to.

 But it appears there's another, one who thinks they'll set you free.

Yet you seemed to be blinded, by the darkness you see.

This one is cold, but colder than me.

For the heart of theirs, is quite icy.

 Ice can't calm a fire, let alone tame it.

But water can control it, while keeping its flame lit.

 Darkness trying to light darkness, it a bad combination.

But light can cure darkness, and bring illumination.

If you could only see this, and weren't blinded by this "love".

Then you to could be like me, free as a dove.

So open your eyes, and before you think you're through.

I've been there this whole time, right next to you.

It doesn't matter, how hard you try to remove me.

I think you will agree, that I'm the one that will set you free.

Me.

 <3

Give Me Something to Sing About <3

They say if you are feeling down you should either spend some time by yourself and reflect on your life, or talk to someone you trust about it. Well me being a people person, it was natural for me to want to talk with someone. That's hard when the people you want to talk to can't be with you or don't have time, but even worse when the only people you can talk to just make you feel worse. The people I want to talk to are either currently quite a distance from me, have strict parents who make sure they are home early, and those who are so busy they don't always have time to talk. Well that was my situation last night. My Big, Susie, and Kate all live almost 2 hours away and when my Big was trying to send me things over the internet to keep me occupied, my internet failed me and i have to wait until I'm somewhere with decent internet again. I got to see Sylvia a little bit last night when she was done with work, but her mom called her and made her go home at 8. Then there are the people who are always busy. Leigh has a good job now and has to work many evenings, so she can't do anything till around 11 at night. Eric has a very time consuming job where sometimes he has to get up really early, and then has to work in the evenings, so he goes to bed early.

There are few times I get to see my friends, but those are some of the best. I usually see Sylvia and Eric at Chuch on Sunday and sometimes we hang out afterwards. Those times are always interesting. And when we go back to college, I will be able to see my Big and Susie everyday if I can. However, I rarely get to see Kate because she isn't at school anymore, and Leigh, at least just by herself that is, because she is always with other people. Usually some really annoy me, so I can't really be around it all.

There are a few things that I am looking forward to though. Saturday is the Phi Mu picnic, where I will get to see my Big and other Phi Mus I miss. Sunday will be Church with Eric and Sylvia and then Burger King afterwards, always a good fun time. Monday Sylvia and I get to spend the whole day together driving to Virginia to pick up two cats, that will fun. And of course, in 22 days I will be back in college in my own room in our suite where I can be around people all the time.

That is when I will be able to be happy and have a song within my heart that I can sing <3

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defining 'fren(d)-,ship "From friends of the heart, to friends of the moment. All can enrich our lives if we keep our expectations in line"

I have had many friends. Some of them I still see and hang out with frequently. Others I have become distant from and don't talk with as much as I used to. And some of them just weren't meant to be and we no longer speak. Friendships come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and types. Alot like ribbon actually. They both have different categories. Everyone has a group of close friends that would be categorized as the "inner circle." These are the friends you share most of your secrets with and who know almost everything about each other. It's important to have a group like this to support you and go to when you nee help. You truly are yourself around these people and you know you can trust them. They are your everything and without them you would feel lost. I know I would. It also can take a few different people to find your "inner circle". You have to make sure these are the people who make you happy and keep you happy. Although, your inner circle doesn't have to all be together, and they can also not even know each other that well. Apart from your closest friends, you have those occasional people who you know from church or school that you meet up for coffee, or go swimming, or just hang out to catch up with. Those people will usually talk to you about some things in your life, but their most private parts of their life, they usually save for their "inner circle." I am glad to have some of these people who I can still talk to and have a good time with. Another group of friends that I like to include has to do with sororites and fratenities. These people are the ones you have formed a group with and learn to disipline yourselves, as well as have a good time and take part in special rituals. These are the people you will have an opportunity to have a forever bond with and share memories about your days being Greek. Within this group is your what I like to call "fambly." These are you people withing your Greek tree. Your Big, Little, Grand Big, Grand Little, Twin, etc. These are the people who you spend time with and probably go to in times of need. I know that I really rely on my "fambly." They are my everything and my Big is my life. Phi Mu is my everything and because of it I got my "fambly." Throughout my life I have dealt with many friendships. Some are still alive and thriving. Others it was time to say good bye. And some I still keep in touch with, but dont't have that bond we used to. Regardless, I am very happy with my life and friendships I have now, and love every minute of it. <3

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"From the outside looking in you don't understand it. From the inside looking out you can't explain it."

September 18th, 2010.

I never expected for my life to be changed that morning.

I remember the whole day so clearly. I woke up to the sound of knocking on my door. It was my dad. He was with my sister on a tour of Kem. The tour guide asked if she could show my room to the visitors and I let her. Later I met with my dad who was finished with the parent visitation and waiting on my sister. We were at the top of the steps to the student center, and meanwhile, the sororities and fraternities were in the process of what they call "Bid Day". 

Bid Day is known as one of the most hectic, exhausting, and yet exciting days for people who are Greek. Basically, it is the day they welcome new members to their families. Obviously an exciting event. No wonder everyone was running around. 

I was thinking to myself, wondering what sorority i might have been in if i had gone through recruitment. Would i be a Delta Zeta? An Alpha Delta Pi? An Alpha Phi? A Phi Mu? I didnt really know. The only one I knew anything about was Phi Mu. But then again, all I knew was that their signature color was pink.....so that didnt amount to much. Still. I wondered. So my dad, sister, and I went to lunch. While we were there we saw all of the Greek groups welcoming their new members with a big lunch and t shirts. I again questioned who I would fit in best with, if I did at all....

Later that day I was getting ready for the football game, and I was dressed in my best purple attire.

First my RA knocked on my door to ask me something, then my friend came over and asked me what time I wanted to leave. Then I heard another knock. Mind you, this was the fourth one that day....

I opened the door and saw a group of girls, they asked if they could come in, and then handed me an envelope. I opened it and gave a surprising look. It was a bid! I looked at the girls and said "Really?" And they said yes! They asked if I needed time to think about it, and I said "I've don't need to think about it." They looked like they were upset and disappointed. Then I said "Okay!" I guess I scared them a little. Haha. But after that, I was a Phi Mu.

Later that night, I went to the 4th Floor where I met some new people and played an amazing game of Quelf. I stayed with these girls until 3 am. It was one of the greatest nights ever!

Because of Phi Mu, I met some of the most amazing people in my life. All of you who are past and present Phi Mus, I am so glad I met you. I am so glad to have spent so much time getting to know you and grow closer. We've been through some good times, some bad times, and of course some pretty epic times.

And to think, I said yes, and all I knew was that "Our Signature Color is Pink". I never thought I would be making one of the best decisions for my life. And to think, I said yes. I said yes because I wanted friends on campus, but instead, I got a whole lot more <3

"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away."

I recently lost 3 friends who I thought were very dear to me. Sure we had some good times, some good talks, and some laughs along the way, but something honestly felt "not right". There was a part of me that told myself, "why do I not feel happy when I am with these people?"
It turns out, that I was right. Or rather I didn't see it until they actually showed me. It was kind of rude the way they did it, but it was absolutely necessary.

About the end of the school year, I started to accept what was going on. According to them, they said it had been going on since at least the new year. At that time, I thought things were going great. I had friends I could talk to about anything, people who would hang out with me, and people to look forward to seeing when I came home.

Until.

They started becoming closer with other people, closer to each other, and more distant from me. I felt like maybe they wanted some space, so I started texting them less often. Then I made plans for us all to go out for my birthday, and there was some dispute about driving arrangements. That went on for about a week, and later before the party, we made up. February came, and the party went great and I thought things were great.

Until April. when I finally got my birthday gift. April.

It was a cat doll and some notes from them. I thought they were nice, and I was going to thank the other two, because they couldn't be there that night, in person the next time I saw them.
Before I could see them I got an angry text about not being thanked for the gift.

Then there was more arguing and I left it at that. Two of them decided to visit me, and ending up chewing me out about how I never talked to them anymore, and they didn't want to visit me, and they never liked the idea of a sorority
in the first place.

That kind of hit me hard.

I love my sorority. They are one of the greatest choices that I have made in my life. I love them, and if they didn't
understand, then whatever to them.

They de friended me from facebook and never said anything after that. Even though I called and left them messages and sent them texts. Nothing.

So I decided to move on. But before I could, I thought of everything I had wasted on them. Money, time, secrets. I regretted everything I had done with them, and cleared my Facebook of their pictures. I was done.

Then a few days later, something awesome happened.

My best friend came to my sister's graduation party, but she brought two of my old friends that I had left about a year ago. At first I was a little uneasy because I hadn't talked to them for so long. But after seeing them, talking, and hanging out with them the rest of the day, I realized that I had made a huge mistake in giving them up for people who just "used" me. I apologize to them and glad that they have accepted me back. <3