Sunday, April 29, 2012

Is this how it's supposed to feel? Am I crazy?

They say that a crush in school is just a crush and won't matter. What happens when a crush lasts a few years? And now you are an adult and no longer that teenager who thinks they are in love, but knows it? Is it wrong for it to kill you inside when you aren't near them or haven't seen them in a week or so? I thought this kind of thing only happened when someone had been together with someone else. But what if you've never been closer than friends? It doesn't feel right to even think about being in love. It feels like it shouldn't happen and that it's silly. Am I crazy? In love? Our just completely insane? Why did I have to fall one of my best friends? <3

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Dressing Up and Thinking Back

I just finished cleaning my room and took a bath. I have my sorority's formal this weekend and I was trying to figure out what shoes I wanted to wear. So I put my dress on to see what shoes looked best with it. It is purple with sequins on the top, then a big purple bow wrapped around the middle, and all the way down a colorful silky animal print covered with purple tulle.

As I was admiring the dress, I couldn't help but take a trip down memory lane. Specifically my junior and senior proms. Those were two of my favorite nights ever.

My junior prom, I had this strapless sparkly aqua dress. I wanted it to be simple and not too flashy. Not long after, I started talking to this guy. One day I decided to ask him to prom, and he said yes. Now I had never dated anyone, let alone had a date for a dance, so this was pretty exciting for me. The day came and I got ready. I had never done my hair and make up so nice before and it turned out great. That night we danced and danced and talked alot too. My first dance with a guy and the night was great.

Senior year I didn't really care if I had a date, but for some reason, a week before prom, I decided to ask the same guy if he wanted to go. Even though it was short notice, he still said yes. I had still really liked him, so I was really looking forward to it. The day came and I got ready and put on my black and white mermaid style dress. It had black flowers and had an off the shoulder top. Then off we went and it was even better than the previous year. We danced and danced and talked later with friends at a park until 4am. After that night, I didn't have a curfew anymore.

As I thought about those 2 nights, I couldn't help but remember that guy and how he was so nice and held me so gently while we danced. He was one of my best friends. My first crush. My only crush....and he still is. It's embarrassing to me that this has been going on for 3 years now. Since March 27, 2009. It's sad that I still know the date that I first started liking him. But even though I have these feelings, I continue to be supportive and the best friend that I can be to him.

I keep thinking about how much I want him to be there and be the one who dances with me and holds me like he did in high school. I honestly have never had eyes for anyone else and don't know if I ever will. Just being in this dress and thinking about my teenage years, I have to say that I miss them and I would do anything to show him how much I care and that he can believe in love <3