Wednesday, May 25, 2011

"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away."

I recently lost 3 friends who I thought were very dear to me. Sure we had some good times, some good talks, and some laughs along the way, but something honestly felt "not right". There was a part of me that told myself, "why do I not feel happy when I am with these people?"
It turns out, that I was right. Or rather I didn't see it until they actually showed me. It was kind of rude the way they did it, but it was absolutely necessary.

About the end of the school year, I started to accept what was going on. According to them, they said it had been going on since at least the new year. At that time, I thought things were going great. I had friends I could talk to about anything, people who would hang out with me, and people to look forward to seeing when I came home.


They started becoming closer with other people, closer to each other, and more distant from me. I felt like maybe they wanted some space, so I started texting them less often. Then I made plans for us all to go out for my birthday, and there was some dispute about driving arrangements. That went on for about a week, and later before the party, we made up. February came, and the party went great and I thought things were great.

Until April. when I finally got my birthday gift. April.

It was a cat doll and some notes from them. I thought they were nice, and I was going to thank the other two, because they couldn't be there that night, in person the next time I saw them.
Before I could see them I got an angry text about not being thanked for the gift.

Then there was more arguing and I left it at that. Two of them decided to visit me, and ending up chewing me out about how I never talked to them anymore, and they didn't want to visit me, and they never liked the idea of a sorority
in the first place.

That kind of hit me hard.

I love my sorority. They are one of the greatest choices that I have made in my life. I love them, and if they didn't
understand, then whatever to them.

They de friended me from facebook and never said anything after that. Even though I called and left them messages and sent them texts. Nothing.

So I decided to move on. But before I could, I thought of everything I had wasted on them. Money, time, secrets. I regretted everything I had done with them, and cleared my Facebook of their pictures. I was done.

Then a few days later, something awesome happened.

My best friend came to my sister's graduation party, but she brought two of my old friends that I had left about a year ago. At first I was a little uneasy because I hadn't talked to them for so long. But after seeing them, talking, and hanging out with them the rest of the day, I realized that I had made a huge mistake in giving them up for people who just "used" me. I apologize to them and glad that they have accepted me back. <3

Saturday, May 7, 2011

“Life is my college, my sisters are my heart"

I have never felt so at home. I have people who will spend time with me, people who will drop everything and run to me when I'm in trouble, and people who accept me. It's college, more importantly Phi Mu. They are my everything.

And now, I've done it. I've finished my first year of college. It feels too soon. I don't want to leave. I've grown so attached to this place. I actually went and took a walk last night because I wanted to see everything before I left.

But wait.

I'm not leaving for good. I'm not graduating like some of the other people I know.

So why do I feel this way?

It's because I feel at home here, on this campus, that I don't want to leave. I feel like I am Home. 


Shouldn't home be where you are with your friends and family? I feel bad saying that I feel more comfortable here rather than at home with my real family. But how can I avoid the truth?

People say you are happiest at home, and right here, I feel the happiest I've been in a long time. I've met so many people who have had such an impact on my life.

And now I don't want to leave them.

I know I will see them again, but I can't shake this feeling.

As I sit in my Big's room on "my" bed, I look around and watch her pack up her belongings. Memories of the two of us, and others as well, that I won't get to see for awhile. And as I watch her pack neatly into a box some of the pictures I've colored her, door decs I have made, and pictures of us, I think of the times I spent in her room before I was an initiated member. The times when I wasn't yet part of her family.

Looking back, I question myself as to why she continually let me visit her room and stay so long.

Was it because she knew that I was going to become a part of her family?

Was it because she couldn't be mean to me because I was still only a Phi?


But I believe that it was because her and I connected on a special level.

Not like a best friend. Also a sister. Partially mother-daughter like. But also a mix between all of them. I call our relationship "Love" Because we are always there for each other, spend alot of time for each other, and can be there in a instant if we suspect something is wrong with the other.

I love everyone I have met here. And we will always be together because of Phi Mu.