Friday, April 29, 2011


I have recently become addicted to yet another Anime. This one is Ouran High School Host Club. I absolutely love it! It is very good if you need a pick me up during the day. I absolutely love it! All of my ringtones are Ouran related.

One Song in particular I have been focusing on alot. It's called Sprint. The First part is actually the video, the extended part is revealed in the last Anime episode towards the end.

I run and run a thousand miles, and I am barely breathing.
Only the fuel of a passionate heart keeps this body strong and moving forward.
Could it be I found a place to rest? How far until I'm OK?
Trees of the town reveal the time has come once again to shift our shade and colors.

The world always changes around us but weakness will always remain;
Through all the pain, believe in who we are right here and now!

Raise one hand to the sky; raise them both lift them high!!
And you'll cut through the darkness make it go!
The time to start is now! And I can show you how.
Start with me, and the world will be even bigger than ever before.

The road that's gonna take me home tonight is just the same as always^
Led by the brink up all the way of the flicker from the streetlamps fading.

The town's falling down all around me, yields to a breeze I felt before,
and now I'm sure it's blowing at my back and guiding me.

In my heart will be where I will keep this despair
'Till the tears all dry up and finally stop!
No goal has been found but we're not turning around;
I'm tearing through that old wind I knew, running and not slowing down.

Those bitter days are calling for you and me to love.
Do you not want to open no more strings and bonds that hold our dreams?

You can choose to go first, you can choose to go last;
Just as long as you move, you'll be OK,
And we'll still let you go, and you can bet I know
That where and how that is learnt 'til now is leading each step of the way.
This song is what has been getting me through alot lately. I can find a way to connect each part with something in my life <3

this picture is just too adorable! :D

Thursday, April 21, 2011

"When One door Closes Another One Opens...."

It happened again.

I got in yet ANOTHER fight with my "friends".

Why do I keep doing this?

I don't think I can much longer.

But I know I can get through this.

I have someone to help guide me. Someone who has always watched out for me, whether I knew it or not....

Thank you. <3

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

"What is a true friend?"


Why do I tolerate you?

Why do I put up with you?

Why I give you everything, but get minimal in return?

I don't know.

Do you?

Fighting with my friends has become a very recent thing. I am not happy with it, but it continues to happen. Everyone say that things will be better once I see them again in the Summer when I am free again. But that won't happen anyway. They are always busy. Whether it is work, family, or groups/organizations I am not part of.

I don't understand why I continue to tolerate this.

When I think of the word friendship, I imagine people hanging out together and not always using technology unless they are showing something to everyone. 

I feel like if you feel you need to talk to someone else while you are hanging out with a group of people, then you aren't really giving that group your full attention. 

Isn't that one of the reasons friends hang out? To get away from something, someone, some group? 

Not to talk to someone else while doing so.

When I am with one group of friends I feel the need to talk to some of the people in the other group. But, when I am with the other group, I don't feel the need to. Because they are already there and we are having such a good time, that no one else is trying to talk to other people as well. This group of mine, I cherish greatly. We never seem to get in any confrontations, and we are always there for each other. 

I don't understand why I haven't made this group of people my main group.

I would be dealing with less stress. Less drama. Less everything that I don't want.

Maybe it's time for a change....

Thursday, April 14, 2011

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself"

I have this friend who has been in my life for about 2 years. The first time we actually met was one of the funnest evenings I had ever had. They were crazy, and I was crazy. A perfect combination of friends. 

Later on we grew closer and closer. We would text every free chance we had every day. We were totally in sync. Whenever they were feeling down, I was there to cheer them up when they were down. I helped them to believe in them self. But what they didn't realize is what a huge impact they had made on me.

I used to be self conscious about everything. I didn't like myself. I thought that I was weird, and annoying, and that no one other than my friends who I had forever would ever accept me. This person was new to my life and accepted me right away. 

We were to the point of being the closest friends when something happened. Someone else from my life came into theirs. I was heart broken. I had lost my newest best friend to my other best friend. I rarely talked to my new friend and being around both of them made me feel like the third wheel on a bicycle. The left out one.

Months went by and we grew to the point of not even speaking to each other. That was when I suffered the most. I didn't know what to do without my new friend. My old friend and I remained close, until one fateful day I will never forget.

Over the summer, my old best friend and I were hanging out. We were away from our phones and when we came back to them there were text messages and voice mails from the other friend and they were upset with something. Apparently they got a message from me saying I hated them. Neither of us were around to have sent it, so I wasn't sure what had happened. It turned out  that my best friend had told someone to send that text from my phone. I had no clue at the time. I had to explain to my other friend what happened during a 3 hour phone conversation with them the next day. After that, they didn't trust my best friend anymore because they lied alot to them. So that was the end of that....

Or so I thought.

It was that summer time and a bunch of us were at a house and all hanging out. My friend whom I had lost was there and they were talking with two of my close friends. They showed me a text message they got that said it was from me and said some things that I never said. We quickly figured out it was sent from the internet in my name. This caused some problems. I was done with my old best friend. I was hurt too much.

After that summer, i thought things were never going to be the same. We drifted apart, but still occasionally said hi. It just seemed so casual and we never really hung out. I just went through my senior year without them. Over the next summer, a bunch of us started hanging out again. We got together every few weeks, but that person and i still weren't very close. Before leaving for college we had a quick chat about it and then they were gone from me for awhile. I occasionally saw them when I visited home, but that was it. Now I am nearing the end of my second semester in college and it has been one of the worst ever. So much drama, school, and people. I had a very long, but thoughtful conversation with this person yesterday. They never really knew how much they meant to me. They were a HUGE part of my life. And I am glad that they now see that. But now the way they responded yesterday, I am a little bit confused. They haven't spoken to me that way since about 2 years ago. So now I want to know if we will be best friends ever again, or just friends....
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