"It's Not Aways Black and White, but Your Heart Always Knows What's Right"

You are black, I am white.

You are the darkness, I am the light.

 You fall down, but I pick you up.

If you had wound, I'd patch it up.

You are fire, I am water.

If you were a father, I'd be the mother.

If you go one way, I wont go the other.

The two of us are close, two birds of a feather.

When times get tough, I'll hold your hand.

I've been there with you, I understand.

If you were a pokemon, I'd choose you.

And I would already know, You'd pick me to.

 But it appears there's another, one who thinks they'll set you free.

Yet you seemed to be blinded, by the darkness you see.

This one is cold, but colder than me.

For the heart of theirs, is quite icy.

 Ice can't calm a fire, let alone tame it.

But water can control it, while keeping its flame lit.

 Darkness trying to light darkness, it a bad combination.

But light can cure darkness, and bring illumination.

If you could only see this, and weren't blinded by this "love".

Then you to could be like me, free as a dove.

So open your eyes, and before you think you're through.

I've been there this whole time, right next to you.

It doesn't matter, how hard you try to remove me.

I think you will agree, that I'm the one that will set you free.

Me.

 <3

Give Me Something to Sing About <3

They say if you are feeling down you should either spend some time by yourself and reflect on your life, or talk to someone you trust about it. Well me being a people person, it was natural for me to want to talk with someone. That's hard when the people you want to talk to can't be with you or don't have time, but even worse when the only people you can talk to just make you feel worse. The people I want to talk to are either currently quite a distance from me, have strict parents who make sure they are home early, and those who are so busy they don't always have time to talk. Well that was my situation last night. My Big, Susie, and Kate all live almost 2 hours away and when my Big was trying to send me things over the internet to keep me occupied, my internet failed me and i have to wait until I'm somewhere with decent internet again. I got to see Sylvia a little bit last night when she was done with work, but her mom called her and made her go home at 8. Then there are the people who are always busy. Leigh has a good job now and has to work many evenings, so she can't do anything till around 11 at night. Eric has a very time consuming job where sometimes he has to get up really early, and then has to work in the evenings, so he goes to bed early.

There are few times I get to see my friends, but those are some of the best. I usually see Sylvia and Eric at Chuch on Sunday and sometimes we hang out afterwards. Those times are always interesting. And when we go back to college, I will be able to see my Big and Susie everyday if I can. However, I rarely get to see Kate because she isn't at school anymore, and Leigh, at least just by herself that is, because she is always with other people. Usually some really annoy me, so I can't really be around it all.

There are a few things that I am looking forward to though. Saturday is the Phi Mu picnic, where I will get to see my Big and other Phi Mus I miss. Sunday will be Church with Eric and Sylvia and then Burger King afterwards, always a good fun time. Monday Sylvia and I get to spend the whole day together driving to Virginia to pick up two cats, that will fun. And of course, in 22 days I will be back in college in my own room in our suite where I can be around people all the time.

That is when I will be able to be happy and have a song within my heart that I can sing <3

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defining 'fren(d)-,ship "From friends of the heart, to friends of the moment. All can enrich our lives if we keep our expectations in line"

I have had many friends. Some of them I still see and hang out with frequently. Others I have become distant from and don't talk with as much as I used to. And some of them just weren't meant to be and we no longer speak. Friendships come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and types. Alot like ribbon actually. They both have different categories. Everyone has a group of close friends that would be categorized as the "inner circle." These are the friends you share most of your secrets with and who know almost everything about each other. It's important to have a group like this to support you and go to when you nee help. You truly are yourself around these people and you know you can trust them. They are your everything and without them you would feel lost. I know I would. It also can take a few different people to find your "inner circle". You have to make sure these are the people who make you happy and keep you happy. Although, your inner circle doesn't have to all be together, and they can also not even know each other that well. Apart from your closest friends, you have those occasional people who you know from church or school that you meet up for coffee, or go swimming, or just hang out to catch up with. Those people will usually talk to you about some things in your life, but their most private parts of their life, they usually save for their "inner circle." I am glad to have some of these people who I can still talk to and have a good time with. Another group of friends that I like to include has to do with sororites and fratenities. These people are the ones you have formed a group with and learn to disipline yourselves, as well as have a good time and take part in special rituals. These are the people you will have an opportunity to have a forever bond with and share memories about your days being Greek. Within this group is your what I like to call "fambly." These are you people withing your Greek tree. Your Big, Little, Grand Big, Grand Little, Twin, etc. These are the people who you spend time with and probably go to in times of need. I know that I really rely on my "fambly." They are my everything and my Big is my life. Phi Mu is my everything and because of it I got my "fambly." Throughout my life I have dealt with many friendships. Some are still alive and thriving. Others it was time to say good bye. And some I still keep in touch with, but dont't have that bond we used to. Regardless, I am very happy with my life and friendships I have now, and love every minute of it. <3

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"From the outside looking in you don't understand it. From the inside looking out you can't explain it."

September 18th, 2010.

I never expected for my life to be changed that morning.

I remember the whole day so clearly. I woke up to the sound of knocking on my door. It was my dad. He was with my sister on a tour of Kem. The tour guide asked if she could show my room to the visitors and I let her. Later I met with my dad who was finished with the parent visitation and waiting on my sister. We were at the top of the steps to the student center, and meanwhile, the sororities and fraternities were in the process of what they call "Bid Day". 

Bid Day is known as one of the most hectic, exhausting, and yet exciting days for people who are Greek. Basically, it is the day they welcome new members to their families. Obviously an exciting event. No wonder everyone was running around. 

I was thinking to myself, wondering what sorority i might have been in if i had gone through recruitment. Would i be a Delta Zeta? An Alpha Delta Pi? An Alpha Phi? A Phi Mu? I didnt really know. The only one I knew anything about was Phi Mu. But then again, all I knew was that their signature color was pink.....so that didnt amount to much. Still. I wondered. So my dad, sister, and I went to lunch. While we were there we saw all of the Greek groups welcoming their new members with a big lunch and t shirts. I again questioned who I would fit in best with, if I did at all....

Later that day I was getting ready for the football game, and I was dressed in my best purple attire.

First my RA knocked on my door to ask me something, then my friend came over and asked me what time I wanted to leave. Then I heard another knock. Mind you, this was the fourth one that day....

I opened the door and saw a group of girls, they asked if they could come in, and then handed me an envelope. I opened it and gave a surprising look. It was a bid! I looked at the girls and said "Really?" And they said yes! They asked if I needed time to think about it, and I said "I've don't need to think about it." They looked like they were upset and disappointed. Then I said "Okay!" I guess I scared them a little. Haha. But after that, I was a Phi Mu.

Later that night, I went to the 4th Floor where I met some new people and played an amazing game of Quelf. I stayed with these girls until 3 am. It was one of the greatest nights ever!

Because of Phi Mu, I met some of the most amazing people in my life. All of you who are past and present Phi Mus, I am so glad I met you. I am so glad to have spent so much time getting to know you and grow closer. We've been through some good times, some bad times, and of course some pretty epic times.

And to think, I said yes, and all I knew was that "Our Signature Color is Pink". I never thought I would be making one of the best decisions for my life. And to think, I said yes. I said yes because I wanted friends on campus, but instead, I got a whole lot more <3

"The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away."

I recently lost 3 friends who I thought were very dear to me. Sure we had some good times, some good talks, and some laughs along the way, but something honestly felt "not right". There was a part of me that told myself, "why do I not feel happy when I am with these people?"
It turns out, that I was right. Or rather I didn't see it until they actually showed me. It was kind of rude the way they did it, but it was absolutely necessary.

About the end of the school year, I started to accept what was going on. According to them, they said it had been going on since at least the new year. At that time, I thought things were going great. I had friends I could talk to about anything, people who would hang out with me, and people to look forward to seeing when I came home.

Until.

They started becoming closer with other people, closer to each other, and more distant from me. I felt like maybe they wanted some space, so I started texting them less often. Then I made plans for us all to go out for my birthday, and there was some dispute about driving arrangements. That went on for about a week, and later before the party, we made up. February came, and the party went great and I thought things were great.

Until April. when I finally got my birthday gift. April.

It was a cat doll and some notes from them. I thought they were nice, and I was going to thank the other two, because they couldn't be there that night, in person the next time I saw them.
Before I could see them I got an angry text about not being thanked for the gift.

Then there was more arguing and I left it at that. Two of them decided to visit me, and ending up chewing me out about how I never talked to them anymore, and they didn't want to visit me, and they never liked the idea of a sorority
in the first place.

That kind of hit me hard.

I love my sorority. They are one of the greatest choices that I have made in my life. I love them, and if they didn't
understand, then whatever to them.

They de friended me from facebook and never said anything after that. Even though I called and left them messages and sent them texts. Nothing.

So I decided to move on. But before I could, I thought of everything I had wasted on them. Money, time, secrets. I regretted everything I had done with them, and cleared my Facebook of their pictures. I was done.

Then a few days later, something awesome happened.

My best friend came to my sister's graduation party, but she brought two of my old friends that I had left about a year ago. At first I was a little uneasy because I hadn't talked to them for so long. But after seeing them, talking, and hanging out with them the rest of the day, I realized that I had made a huge mistake in giving them up for people who just "used" me. I apologize to them and glad that they have accepted me back. <3

“Life is my college, my sisters are my heart"

I have never felt so at home. I have people who will spend time with me, people who will drop everything and run to me when I'm in trouble, and people who accept me. It's college, more importantly Phi Mu. They are my everything.

And now, I've done it. I've finished my first year of college. It feels too soon. I don't want to leave. I've grown so attached to this place. I actually went and took a walk last night because I wanted to see everything before I left.

But wait.

I'm not leaving for good. I'm not graduating like some of the other people I know.

So why do I feel this way?

It's because I feel at home here, on this campus, that I don't want to leave. I feel like I am Home. 


But....

Shouldn't home be where you are with your friends and family? I feel bad saying that I feel more comfortable here rather than at home with my real family. But how can I avoid the truth?

People say you are happiest at home, and right here, I feel the happiest I've been in a long time. I've met so many people who have had such an impact on my life.

And now I don't want to leave them.

I know I will see them again, but I can't shake this feeling.

As I sit in my Big's room on "my" bed, I look around and watch her pack up her belongings. Memories of the two of us, and others as well, that I won't get to see for awhile. And as I watch her pack neatly into a box some of the pictures I've colored her, door decs I have made, and pictures of us, I think of the times I spent in her room before I was an initiated member. The times when I wasn't yet part of her family.

Looking back, I question myself as to why she continually let me visit her room and stay so long.

Was it because she knew that I was going to become a part of her family?

Was it because she couldn't be mean to me because I was still only a Phi?

Maybe.

But I believe that it was because her and I connected on a special level.

Not like a best friend. Also a sister. Partially mother-daughter like. But also a mix between all of them. I call our relationship "Love" Because we are always there for each other, spend alot of time for each other, and can be there in a instant if we suspect something is wrong with the other.

I love everyone I have met here. And we will always be together because of Phi Mu.

<3

Sprint

I have recently become addicted to yet another Anime. This one is Ouran High School Host Club. I absolutely love it! It is very good if you need a pick me up during the day. I absolutely love it! All of my ringtones are Ouran related.

One Song in particular I have been focusing on alot. It's called Sprint. The First part is actually the video, the extended part is revealed in the last Anime episode towards the end.

I run and run a thousand miles, and I am barely breathing.
Only the fuel of a passionate heart keeps this body strong and moving forward.
Could it be I found a place to rest? How far until I'm OK?
Trees of the town reveal the time has come once again to shift our shade and colors.

The world always changes around us but weakness will always remain;
Through all the pain, believe in who we are right here and now!

Raise one hand to the sky; raise them both lift them high!!
And you'll cut through the darkness make it go!
The time to start is now! And I can show you how.
Start with me, and the world will be even bigger than ever before.

The road that's gonna take me home tonight is just the same as always^
Led by the brink up all the way of the flicker from the streetlamps fading.

The town's falling down all around me, yields to a breeze I felt before,
and now I'm sure it's blowing at my back and guiding me.

In my heart will be where I will keep this despair
'Till the tears all dry up and finally stop!
No goal has been found but we're not turning around;
I'm tearing through that old wind I knew, running and not slowing down.

Those bitter days are calling for you and me to love.
Do you not want to open no more strings and bonds that hold our dreams?

You can choose to go first, you can choose to go last;
Just as long as you move, you'll be OK,
And we'll still let you go, and you can bet I know
That where and how that is learnt 'til now is leading each step of the way.
This song is what has been getting me through alot lately. I can find a way to connect each part with something in my life <3

this picture is just too adorable! :D